Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
