sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
