She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
