Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
