dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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