i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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