I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
