I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
