Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
