well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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