she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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