make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i drank out of a bidet.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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