Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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