How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
