My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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