I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
