We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
