you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Please don't give away my fajitas
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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