Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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