I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
