About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize