Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
