You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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