Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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