I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
