i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
