i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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