Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
