Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
