she woke up with a sticky ear
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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