brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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