His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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