he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
