I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
