My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
