If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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