Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
