just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
