U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
