Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
