did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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