I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
