I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
