she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
