can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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