I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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