yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
