i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
