I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
