wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
