she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
