yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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