the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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