Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she pinky promised me she was 18
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
