And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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