did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
