my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
