I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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