Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
