I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
