he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
