At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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