Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize