hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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