my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
