i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
