The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
