I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Randomize
