I'm gonna have a badass scar
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
