so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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