i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
