Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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