Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
