Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
