The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize