somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
