Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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