turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
