My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
