Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
