Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
