No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
