I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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