evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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