he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
