I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
