You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize